HW 17 outline comments

Omar S. said...

Esther,

You have a good starting thesis and solid arguments and evidence. I would suggest expanding your thesis or going deeper and getting more specific. Your thesis is basically what we talked about recently but it would make your whole paper much stronger if you developed a deeper or more personal thesis, basically a thesis that says something different from what most people in our class are saying.

You also have a lot of good ideas in your arguments and getting more evidence to back them up would make them much stronger

Otherwise the rest seems good.
November 2, 2009 7:13 AM


Omar S. said...

Sandy,
Everything seems really strong. The arguments are very strong and the thesis is solid. You seem to have a good sense of what your going to do in your paper and it seems like a very strong start. The only thing I might add is some numerical information showing how much time or money people spend doing pointless distracting things. Something along those lines. I think that would make your paper even stronger.
November 2, 2009 7:25 AM