HW 36

Esther


You have a very good rough draft. Your main point in this essay is that we are all slaves of cool and almost every way we act revolves around cool. Our presentation of self are presentation of our idea of cool. I don't know if that's any better so if it isn't sorry...

I think you do a good job of getting your point across in this essay. However, the more you hammer the point across with a variety of different pieces of evidence or situations the stronger your essay will be and the more effective it will be in influencing people. If you talk about all different types of cool and the way cool affects them personally the more people will understand cool is a universal thing and not something that counts for only specific groups of people.

So overall in your next essay focus on more situation, expanding on some you already have, and going deeper into any vague points you have. Overall very good essay.

Sandy

You have a great start, I can tell it's going to be a great essay. Your main point is that cool is impossible to truly obtain, since we all constantly feign for cool and that's uncool. The more we seek cool the less cool we are if we claim coolness already we again fail. No matter our approach it seems that we fail to become cool.

I think you have a very good essay and you use your evidence very well and you make your point clear. However I think more specific evidence on actual situations and people would help. For example using what you or your friends do or what you see other people do as evidence. The other point you should make is that the cool pose applies to everyone and that eveeryone is trying to be cool no matter what their view of cool is. I think if you make this point that your essay will complete. Great essay.

I think your main focus should be making a few different points like the one I mentioned above, as well as fixing any minor problems you have in existing paragraphs.